Feelings cascade in a beautiful fashion

I seem to be overwhelmed by a multitude of feelings lately-not in a bad way... in an almost beautiful fashion.

I am a writer. That said, I want to be an open book.  I find it hard at times though. I think- as I have recently learned of myself- it is due to my Scorpio nature. Scorpios apparently tend to want to hide how they are truly feeling behind a bubbly or touch exterior. I tend to stray more towards the bubbly, lulz. I want to try and strip that away a little bit. I want this blog to continue to represent myself as a whole. I try not to write too much about my feelings most of the time because I never want to come off as being too emotional or too girly. Anyone that knows me knows I am not very girly at all. I am, however, a very emotional person. I think that is part of what makes me a writer. My emotions lay on the surface. They come out very frequently to those that are close to me.

There are times when it is hard for me to let go of things. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It is one of the things that the person I last dated hated about me. I have realized it is just all a part of my personality. It is part of what makes me, Tracey. I really don't think there is a way to change the emotions of a person. What I meant to get at was I think the fact that my emotions are always right there on the surface is why I tend to have a harder time letting things go. This is something that I really want to figure out how to handle. How does one change how they let things go? It is an honest question. I try really hard to be a calm person. If you have met my family, you know what I mean when I say I am the calm one in the family sometimes.  People in this house are loud and sometimes quite explosive with their emotions. So when I am posed with an argument I first want to stay calm so it can be solved quickly and move on. Sometimes, however, people will strike a nerve. That's when I tend to get loud. Mainly this happens when people won't act maturely, listen, and communicate effectively.

I know there are always things one can work on within themselves. That is definitely mine. I have thinking a lot about myself lately. Having recently gone through a break-up, I started to really ponder how I feel about myself. I came up with a conclusion. I am completely at peace, happy, and passionate about the person I have become. I may have my flaws, but for the most part I am a good person. I am compassionate for others. I am involved in the community. I am insanely generous (really!).  I could list all the aspects of my personality here, but I think that is for the people that really know me. I am definitely open to getting to know people so, if interested, you are allowed to talk to me. hahahaha. This is starting to sound like a personality thingy on a date site. That is NOT me at all. Sorry peoples.

ANYWAYYY....I meant to convey here that I am SO completely happy with my life. Things may not have gone how I wanted them to go. I may be two years out of college without a decent job, but that's okay. I know the things that I have done in my life thus far. I have to say... I have been able to experience so many opportunities. I am so grateful for that fact. I have treated my life well. I have taken advantage of things laid in front of me. I am definitely lucky.

I may have thought I was going to be with the guy I was with last..forever. That, however, ended up not being true. But, you know what? That is OKAY... more than okay. I am great on my own. Especially, if the person I am with is not going to appreciate the person I am inside and outside (cheesy, i know).

I know this seems like a huge pump-yourself-up piece. That's really not what it is though. I am just so full of joy at this current point in time. I LOVE life. It is FULL of surprises, of ups and downs, of crazy turns, and unexpected clowns that pop up in your face! But isn't that the best part about it? Otherwise, those points of joy wouldn't seem so great. I don't think I would have come to love the person in me so much without all those crappy times and things I now know I can get myself through with the help of family and REAL friends. I really cannot wait for tomorrow and the next day and the next one after that. Not everyone gets all the days they want. SO I have always felt you need to not waste your time.  I am passionate about so many things in this life, and I get to have the choice what to do about that. Here I am grabbing ahold of my LOVE for words and writing. I will get up in the morning and help with the kids in my community playing games... part of my LOVE for people and helping others love for life.

Moral of today: Love the life you live and Live the life you love :)


.... end of really cheesy post! LOL (scorpio much)