Feelings cascade in a beautiful fashion

I seem to be overwhelmed by a multitude of feelings lately-not in a bad way... in an almost beautiful fashion.

I am a writer. That said, I want to be an open book.  I find it hard at times though. I think- as I have recently learned of myself- it is due to my Scorpio nature. Scorpios apparently tend to want to hide how they are truly feeling behind a bubbly or touch exterior. I tend to stray more towards the bubbly, lulz. I want to try and strip that away a little bit. I want this blog to continue to represent myself as a whole. I try not to write too much about my feelings most of the time because I never want to come off as being too emotional or too girly. Anyone that knows me knows I am not very girly at all. I am, however, a very emotional person. I think that is part of what makes me a writer. My emotions lay on the surface. They come out very frequently to those that are close to me.

There are times when it is hard for me to let go of things. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It is one of the things that the person I last dated hated about me. I have realized it is just all a part of my personality. It is part of what makes me, Tracey. I really don't think there is a way to change the emotions of a person. What I meant to get at was I think the fact that my emotions are always right there on the surface is why I tend to have a harder time letting things go. This is something that I really want to figure out how to handle. How does one change how they let things go? It is an honest question. I try really hard to be a calm person. If you have met my family, you know what I mean when I say I am the calm one in the family sometimes.  People in this house are loud and sometimes quite explosive with their emotions. So when I am posed with an argument I first want to stay calm so it can be solved quickly and move on. Sometimes, however, people will strike a nerve. That's when I tend to get loud. Mainly this happens when people won't act maturely, listen, and communicate effectively.

I know there are always things one can work on within themselves. That is definitely mine. I have thinking a lot about myself lately. Having recently gone through a break-up, I started to really ponder how I feel about myself. I came up with a conclusion. I am completely at peace, happy, and passionate about the person I have become. I may have my flaws, but for the most part I am a good person. I am compassionate for others. I am involved in the community. I am insanely generous (really!).  I could list all the aspects of my personality here, but I think that is for the people that really know me. I am definitely open to getting to know people so, if interested, you are allowed to talk to me. hahahaha. This is starting to sound like a personality thingy on a date site. That is NOT me at all. Sorry peoples.

ANYWAYYY....I meant to convey here that I am SO completely happy with my life. Things may not have gone how I wanted them to go. I may be two years out of college without a decent job, but that's okay. I know the things that I have done in my life thus far. I have to say... I have been able to experience so many opportunities. I am so grateful for that fact. I have treated my life well. I have taken advantage of things laid in front of me. I am definitely lucky.

I may have thought I was going to be with the guy I was with last..forever. That, however, ended up not being true. But, you know what? That is OKAY... more than okay. I am great on my own. Especially, if the person I am with is not going to appreciate the person I am inside and outside (cheesy, i know).

I know this seems like a huge pump-yourself-up piece. That's really not what it is though. I am just so full of joy at this current point in time. I LOVE life. It is FULL of surprises, of ups and downs, of crazy turns, and unexpected clowns that pop up in your face! But isn't that the best part about it? Otherwise, those points of joy wouldn't seem so great. I don't think I would have come to love the person in me so much without all those crappy times and things I now know I can get myself through with the help of family and REAL friends. I really cannot wait for tomorrow and the next day and the next one after that. Not everyone gets all the days they want. SO I have always felt you need to not waste your time.  I am passionate about so many things in this life, and I get to have the choice what to do about that. Here I am grabbing ahold of my LOVE for words and writing. I will get up in the morning and help with the kids in my community playing games... part of my LOVE for people and helping others love for life.

Moral of today: Love the life you live and Live the life you love :)


.... end of really cheesy post! LOL (scorpio much)

Meaninglessness!

This video had me laughing so hard.. I mean maybe not to the point where I couldn't breathe... but you know...  a decent amount where it made me think I need to share this with people.

I am one of those people that cares way too  much about how people spell words, say words, or which word to use in situations (such as POP or soda... you might understand which one I think is correct there btw). Yes, I understand it really does not affect anyone else in any way. But just like Josh in this video.... I care. It hurts my insides a little.

I will be the first to admit that I am not right about everything. There are definitely different points of view on a lot of subjects. But, when it comes to words.... just, PLEASE... pretty please with a cherry on top or whatever the hell topping is your particular favorite... Could you just please take my word for it on what word is right or what pronunciation is right. It would just mean the world to me. I would smile with the beam of a thousand suns if people would think about words the way I do.

I am know among my friends as the grammar nazi at times. and if you are offended by that.... deal with it... It is a joke. Thanks.

Yes, this is meant to be sarcastic in a way. But really... I am not kidding about the fact that words mean a great deal to me. They are my passion. I love them like they are my itty. bitty. tiny T babies. I find great joy in putting them together, and correctly might I add (spelling and punctuation and all it's glory). I also like to pride my self in my extreme diversity (LOL) in being able to actually give speeches too. I like it when people pronounce words the way they are mean to be pronounced. For example: the word... harassment. pronounced: Ha- rass- ment.... NOT : Hair-ass-ment. NO, THAT IS WRONG.

Don't even get me started on the There, their, they're or your, you're stuff. Oye. Honestly... physical pain it causes me... in my gut... right there.

That's enough lecturing for now, I think.

BTW... the right way to say milk is just as it looks.

Good day all!

They did what?!

Pleas watch this first:

Shocking images. Personally, I can't understand these actions at all. Why someone would get so angry, for any reason, as to result in these actions. Most of the articles I have read about the night of the Stanley Cup Finals game have decided to decipher our society, compare it to other riots in Vancouver, or chalk it up to sports enthusiasts gone crazy.I am not going to compare this to any other riot that has happened in Vancouver or any other sporting riot. That is not my intention. I want to make it clear that I am just commenting on the situation as I viewed it. I am a mildly obsessive sports fan, and I felt as though I needed to put yet another (Yes, I know) opinion out there about what happened in Vancouver on June 15th, 2011.

Here is an opinion piece I just read off ESPN.com:

 http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-opinion/6668578/stanley-cup-finals-idiocracy-vancouver

Overall, I  understand where Sarah Spain is coming from when she writes about how our society has been desensitized to this type of vulgar behavior. I love Sarah Spain's sports coverage in general just for the record. But, one thing that I really don't agree with is when people generalize the public. With that, I really do not agree with the thinking that this has to do with our desensitization as a society. I will agree with the fact that we are used to the reality shows and vulgarity in movies and the such. But I do not believe that, as a society, we are desensitized to horrible acts such as this.

I was extremely shocked and appalled by the things that happened that evening. To add to that I know that almost everyone I saw tweeting and posting on Facebook were of the same opinion. I continued to watch not because I was desensitized to the horrible behavior of people, but because I am a news nerd and I wanted to know everything about what was happening and how the city was handling the situation.

I do also agree that many people are too generous about the idea that these were JUST sports fans... they do crazy things. I believe that most crazy sports fan are not insane. I would like to think the people that did this were not normal sports fans and it got out of hand because of the crowd mentality that Spain wrote about. This is not what would normally happen. And no, this was not because it was in Canada. I have heard people comment, even on my Facebook status: "Give it to Canada to get mad about a hockey game."

Here is more video from Russia Today:

I really despise what happened after this Stanley Cup Final game. It made the city of Vancouver look bad and  all Vancouver Canucks fans look bad. It was sick behavior. I literally felt nauseous as I watched live coverage from CTV online.

I can say that, like always, people exaggerated a bit. There was false information being put out. At least on Twitter, I saw a few posts saying that there were fatalities and that someone jumped from a building.

 I don't understand if this was actually a reaction to the game. Would it still have happened if the Canucks had won? I don't know that anyone has the answer to that question. Businesses and innocent people suffered at the expense of intensely angry people. Also, the fandom that is normally portrayed after a win such as that was, nonetheless, lacking because of the terrible news that was dominating the public's attention.

These events were tragic in my eyes.

So, I'd like to say... Congratulations to the Boston Bruins on a great series and a well-earned win!

P.S. I would like to stress that this does not affect my view of Vancouver Canucks fans or the city of Vancouver, just the ideals of a group of people that decided to ruin a good day of sports.

It's Alive!

Ahhh I never knew I would be so excited about the simplest of things. It's funny how the things that should be expected, those normal day to day occurrences, become not so common. This is a sad, yet exciting thing to me.

Simplistic behavior such as opening doors, pulling chairs out, holding someone's purse or coat; these are things that used to seem like they would be common situations when I was younger. It was almost like I thought I was going to grow up into some sort of fairy tale. Life is no fairy tale though. That is not to say it is necessarily a bad thing. I think that little fact of life makes it more exciting when it does happen.

The situation that I have recently come out of has made me really appreciate the people that have those genuine characteristics. I recently went downtown Chicago to hang out with a friend of mine that I met during college. He has been a really great friend through a lot of situations. I forgot how great it was to hang out with him. We ventured to Jamba Juice and he insisted upon buying my drink for me since I have recently become unemployed.  We made our way to Millenium Park so that I could show him the bean (he has never seen it before...the boy has lived near Chicago all his life and goes to school downtown and yet has still not seen it). Then we decided to randomly go to the Lincoln Park Zoo. It was one of the most wonderful days I have had in a while. Every turn he was opening doors, letting me walk ahead and choose where we go. It was a funny thing to realize... Chivalry is still alive. There are still people in this world that make it a point to be polite and chivalrous.

I just thought I would share this little, simple, wonderful day with my blog viewers. It's those little things that make life so freaking interesting! :)

Re-invention

"It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.  It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can be a catalyst for profound re-invention."


I love Conan O'Brien. My mind was blown when he spoke these words of importance. Only because I am used to his normal humorous mannerisms and such. I digress, however, because Conan's humor really does touch on a lot of real stuff about life. I think that is what I love most about watching him. He can be totally and completely ridiculous about something childish and then the next minute talk about how his experience with NBC was... with his bite of humor of course.


Anyway, I was watching Conan's commencement address at Darmouth College earlier today. I found it perfect. I really wish I had something more than  the "You are graduating at a terrible time.... You have no hope in life." speech that I received at my college graduation.  I love that he started off with his ridiculous normalcy then transitioned to such great truths. He began with making fun the the college president's nickname being "stinky Pete.' He then transitioned to what parents can expect with the return of their children. It was quite hilarious I must say. Just watch the clip, I stress this.  He ended his speech with such great words. It is a great message. 


Kids go off to college thinking that they know EXACTLY what they want to do with their lives. However, it changes again and again and again and again. This isn't to say that it is a bad thing though. It is human condition. We are ALWAYS evolving, always changing. One situation in our lives can send us in a totally different direction in terms of our dreams, and everything else about ourselves. These are great things that happen. We are faced with so many things in our lives. It is how we take them, learn, and "re-invent" that area of our lives that really tells us a lot about our personalities. 


I have had to face a big change in what I want for my life. Graduating from college at a time where there was a terrible cut in jobs available was difficult. I had to return to my part-time job that I wrote off in my head. I moved in with my boyfriend and took another because now I am up against about 3 years of college graduates that weren't able to find jobs right away. It is difficult. It forces you to re-think where you can go with your skills and dreams. I am currently re-inventing my idea of what I should do with my career life. Now, I am back at my parents house trying to hash that out.  But, ya know what? I am okay with it. 


This is life. There is not just one prescription for how it should go. So, you may as well take the bumps and hills and go with it. Enjoy the ride and discover something about yourself.

Okay

Yesterday, I was continuing the joy of Harvard Milk Days. Then I received a text from my ex-boyfriend.  Basically, he was ripping me because I am now friends with his other ex, Stephanie (who is a wonderful person and I am starting an exciting new blog with her). He said, "How could you do this to me?...I thought you were better than that."

Excuse me, better than what? Making new friends that know what I am going through and having similar interests. I'm sorry but I didn't realize that that was a taboo thing to do. Yes, I realize that she has confirmed the way he is and that is about all. I would have come to that conclusion on my own. So talking to her is definitely doing nothing TOWARDS him. How in the world does this effect him? It isn't like we are harassing him. Or even talking about him on Twitter or anything. We share blogs, yes. We talk privately, yes. But nothing we are doing is affecting his life in any way.

I get that he is probably jealous of the fact that I am moving on with my life, and the fact that I realized that I do not need him what-so-ever. I have realized I deserve someone that makes me feel like they want me around. I deserve someone that will do things for me every once in a while. I deserve someone that shows that they love me, too.I deserve someone that doesn't make me feel like I am demanding so much from him to talk... to spend time together... to have emotions. I'm over it.

Just so you know, sir: The moment you let me walk out that door you let go of the right to be a part of my life.

I just needed to spout that out because it really bothered me that he did that after I told him not to contact me. So I am going to brush this one off and keep walking forward.

Milk Day weekend has been perfect by the way. I am ending the last day with a day at the beach and some good friends. :)

Blog Project!

A new friend and I have decided to start a blog project and we would like you to be a part of it. If you are interested please contact degrees.of.life.blog@gmail.com and fill out these questions. We hope to hear from a lot of you. We currently need 3-5 more people.

Degrees of Life Blog Project Application

Name?

Where are you from?

Age?

Interests?

Do you currently have a blog?

If answered yes above, what is the link?

Why should we pick you? 

So just e-mail us at degrees.of.life.blog@gmail.com those questions and answers and we will pick through the "applications" and choose a lucky 3-5 people, so make yourselves stand out and memorable. Don't be afraid to be yourself!

I love sports and...

So, I love sports. the end.


Juuust kidding

But really. I do have certain things that I really enjoy such as; music, sports, grammar, television and movies. Sports, however, is very important. I do not enjoy a time where there is not a game to look forward to watch. I love keeping up with the teams and the players. It brings me great joy. Yes, I get worked up. Yes, it is "just a game." But that "game" is illusionally important to my life. HAHA.

I get irrationally annoyed when people talk about certain teams or sports when they don't actually understand what they are talking about. It's pointless, I know.

Any way, I was just thinking about this because I am going to be watching the Stanley Cup Finals tonight. I get so excited when there is an important game to watch. Yes, it is disappointing when a Chicago team isn't involved. But that's okay. I am still looking forward to see Vancouver versus Boston.

GO BRUINS!

Music Therapy

One thing I am nearly obsessive about is music. I could go on and on about anything music for many days, I am sure. I have a wide span of musical interests. People seem to try and pinpoint the kinds of music I might like,but usually are very surprised when they take a look at my itunes.  This is all besides the point.

Something I love about music is that it is unendingly therapeutic. Each song has something to offer. I don't know how I would get through this point in my life without listening to the music I have. Recently, I go from Country Strong soundtracks to the power pop voice of Christina Perri to the rap/R&B style of Rihanna ft. Eminem. Every song has a purpose in every situation. You might think those dance songs or highly positive, happy songs have no place in the death of a loved one or a heart-breaking break-up (as in my case). But, I think they are there for that moment when you are coming out of the sadness and need the help to be pulled out of it. Music has so much power in my opinion.

The past couple days songs have been bringing images I just don't want to remember out of me. Although, I need to remember those things to remember why I cannot be with my recent ex. He did some horrible things while we were together. He did some pretty upsetting things...sometimes gross things. I overlooked it because I thought: "He loves me. He isn't being like all the other guys. He is just being normal. This is normal." IT IS NOT NORMAL. It is not how a woman should be treated.  Such DISRESPECT. That is all I keep thinking today. I know I still love him. But today I really finally feel that I wasn't wrong.  I didn't do anything to deserve how I was treated. It could have escalated too, who knows.

I will let go of this feeling. I know it will subside. I know I will eventually not need to write out my thoughts about it. Just like music is my therapy. Writing is my therapy, as well. With music and my words, I will get over this. I will remain strong. I will be the woman I know; strong, spitfire, fun, Trixie.


This is the song I have been listening to throughout this time A LOT. I feel it captures a lot of the situation (even though it never got physically abusive... it was emotionally and verbally).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xukp782iBlc&feature=share